No, "warm and fuzzy" is exactly what I don't need! (Although the Freedom board posters have been uber-supportive.)
I knew about letting "crisis" threads die - had read some beforehand to get a sense of the "etiquette" (every board has its own).
That's why I was so clear about the fact that my own crisis had passed. What I wasn't expecting was what sounded (to my admittedly hypersensitive ears)
like a judgemental response. I understand the strictness a little better now.
Although I have to wonder what would have happened if I'd written "with luck, my temper-tantrum-throwing-2-year-old nicotine addiction won't win
tonight and I won't drive to the store to buy ciggies." The mods probably would have driven to my house and shot out my porch light!
Thank you so much! Yes, I was feeling criticized, as if Orwell's Thought Police were reading my every post. The thing is, I'm extremely committed to
this process - and I know it'll be a lifelong process - I just don't have the right language down just yet. (And hey, I'm of Irish descent - hence
the harping on luck!)
In any case, your message was just what I needed to hear. I do recognize the value of the links, by the way - I lurked myself before I was eligible to post -
getting up the nerve, getting educated, then sweating through those first 72 hours.
Incidentally, an extra helping of thanks for liking my 2-year-old-with-temper-tantrum analogy! My writer self is beaming right now! Original comment »
Reply from hwc:
Nah, you weren't being criticized. I almost replied to that thread a couple more times, but the moderators have a strict rule about letting
"help" type threads die. So, once you said that you were OK and ready to move on, I knew that was a red flag to stop posting in that thread.
That's an example of a policy I didn't understand until I waded into free-for-all support groups where it's just 24/7 crisis type posting. Taken as
a whole, it is so discouraging. The whyquit guys have been at it long enough that they know you want to answer an immediate question or call for help and then
move on, so the thread doesn't hang around scaring people for weeks. They are trying create a site (and a psychological mindset) of successful quitting. A
lot of what they do didn't make any sense to me until I had been quit for six months and had an opportunity to compare to sites where the focus is on
failing to quit, not quitting. whyquit isn't a warm/fuzzy place, but it turns out a lot of successful long term quitters each year. 69 members celebrated
their one-year quit anniversaries in 2008 - five or six a month. It's like that year after year.
Anyway, just keep quitting and reading and posting and don't take any of it seriously. Trust me, we've all been nailed at least once on the
"luck" or the "trying to quit" or the "filthy little habit". They nailed me for calling them "ciggies". Said that I
shouldn't use cute names for something that was trying to kill me. Guess what? They were right!
hwc, you have a great profile page and really taught me something else about computers. I love your posts as you are so honestly genuine with what you have to
say and I can just picture you in them. You have helped me so very much as I am in this for the long haul. Feel free to write in my journal anytime. I am going
to c&p some you wrote in Baltos into my journal. You are a very wise man.